By 
Drivers who work for a Swindon car hire company are the quiet watchers of the night. And the early morning. And the bit of the afternoon when the school run starts to feel like a siege.
They see things. Hear things. Smell things they never asked for.
And while they might nod and smile and say “no problem,” there’s a list of thoughts every driver keeps tucked behind the steering wheel.
Things they wish passengers knew.
Things they’d never say aloud.
Because that would be unprofessional.
And probably end in a one-star review.
Let’s say them for them.
- We Are Not Psychic
You know the sort. Hops into the back seat and says, “Take me home.”
Now, unless your driver moonlights as a mind reader or lives in your airing cupboard, this isn’t helpful. Swindon has a lot of houses. Some even have the same name.
Just give the postcode. Or a street name. Or something. “Down the road from that pub with the dog” is not a location. It’s a cry for help.
- We Are Also Human Beings
Shocking, I know. But that person in the front seat with a steering wheel isn’t a taxi-bot.
They have knees that get stiff. A back that’s been through more than most. A stomach that occasionally wants chips. And ears that do, in fact, hear everything you’re saying to your mate on speakerphone.
Saying hello won’t kill you. Saying thank you might actually fix the universe.
- We Can Smell That
That takeaway you smuggled into the back seat? Oh yes. That cloud of burger, chips and suspicious garlic sauce fills the car faster than gossip in a small town.
It lingers long after you’re gone. Especially in summer. Especially if it’s kebab meat and has leaked.
By all means, bring food. But try not to turn the back seat into a pop-up restaurant.
And for the love of decency, no tuna. Ever.
- We Know When You’re Lying
“Oh no mate, it’s just up the road.”
“It’s only five minutes.”
“Steve’s place is on the way.”
Drivers hear these lies daily. They smile. They nod. They mentally add £3 to the fare.
They know Swindon better than the satnav. They’ve seen people pretend to know directions and end up at a barn in Wroughton asking a cow for help.
You’re not fooling anyone.
- The Back Seat Is Not Your Therapist’s Couch
We’ve heard about the ex. The new one. The fight at work. The mole you’re not sure is a mole.
Taxi drivers are the unpaid therapists of Britain. But there are limits.
Yes, we’re happy to listen.
Yes, we’ll nod in the right places.
But please stop asking if we think you should text Darren back.
We don’t even know what he did.
- We Don’t Control the Price
Meter says what it says.
Arguing won’t change it. Waving your phone with a made-up quote from “a different firm” won’t change it.
The fare didn’t go up because the driver blinked too hard. It went up because time passed and wheels turned. That’s how taxis work.
And no, shouting “But it was only a tenner last time!” won’t magically reset it.
- Tips Are Lovely. But Manners Are Free
Look, we don’t expect every ride to come with a bonus. We know times are tight.
But if you can’t tip, a thank you still matters. A smile goes a long way.
And if we’ve waited while you locked the door, helped with your bags, dodged three potholes and avoided a squirrel near Old Town, a quick “cheers mate” is enough to stop us quietly muttering about you for the next six hours.
What It All Boils Down To
Taxi drivers in Swindon have seen everything. Rainy mornings. Loud nights. Odd socks. People with too many dogs.
They don’t ask for much. A bit of direction. A bit of kindness. Maybe a seat that doesn’t smell like a chicken nugget.
So next time you get in a taxi, remember this:
Your driver might never say it.
But they’re hoping you read it.
And maybe, just maybe, won’t leave a full bottle of Lucozade rolling under the seat again.
Because someone always does.
And it always explodes.
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